Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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