my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
