I'm going to jail i love you
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
