Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
