ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
