my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
