im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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