....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
