I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
