So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
