it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
