She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
