the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
