I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
