Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
