I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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