the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh god it's open bar.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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