walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
