my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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