I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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