Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick