walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering