Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.