also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this just has baby written all over it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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