Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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