He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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