So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
