Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
