that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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