I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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