I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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