I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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