so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
pop tarts are not kleenex
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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