I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
