Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
