question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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