My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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