It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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