piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cockslap morals
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
