it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize