The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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