I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
