apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Welp...herpes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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