worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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