please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
