also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
