but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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