just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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