note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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