Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
