Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize