I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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