sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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