If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
