He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i now understand why vodka
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
