waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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