I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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