I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
