he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
