I want to walk on stilts...naked
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
