If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want her autograph on my taint
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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