I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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