I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
