oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
