found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
