This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
