You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
