Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
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I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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