im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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