I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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