if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
